You Are In Charge Of Your Happiness
Self-actualization works wonders.
I know, I know, I know. I can hear the rhetoric.
“No, HE is the reason I’m not happy at home.”
“No, SHE is the reason I’m not happy at work.”
“No, THEY are the reason I’m not happy right now.”
Let me help. You are the most powerful being in your Universe. Why? Because you are the ONLY being in your Universe. No one is in your physical space twenty-four hours, seven days a week, and three-hundred-sixty-five days out the year non-stop. Please, spare me the exceptions. There’s always exceptions. Additionally, your conscious mind is isolated. It needs your physical vessel to understand its environment and to interact with other conscious minds who are wandering around just like you. It is alone by default. So, if you are truly the Alpha and Omega of your reality, why do you give your power away to others for the sake of “happiness?” Let’s dig in!!!
You KNOW I’m going to drop a definition, first. We need a starting point. The etymology of the word happiness says:
Happiness (n.) “pleasant and contented mental state”
Ah! In the past, I equated happiness to what was “happening” around me or to me. Meaning, external events outside of me that made me FEEL a certain way inside. Feelings are fleeting. We’re looking for an altered mental state, now.
“She surprised me with two tickets to the Lakers basketball game.” — That would make someone happy right?
“I thought I was going to have to cut the grass when I got home, but my son had already done it.” — Any father or mother would be happy with that, correct?
False. Sorta. These examples don’t take in to account the receiver’s current mental state. It assumes the mental state will change favorably because of these events, but everyone is different and everyone is their own Universe. You can’t dictate to someone else what should or should not make them happy. If you’re lost in your feelings or need instant gratification, then I can see how these two examples would spur happiness. But would it change your mental state? Isn’t that the point of being happy?
If that father was focused on what happened at work that day, would his mental state change because he saw his son had cut the grass already? Or would his thoughts snap back to work as if the grass being cut didn’t matter? What about the son? Did he cut the grass in order to MAKE his father happy? Was that his intent?
Intentions
Your conscious mind is isolated. You cannot detect where my conscious mind is located. Is it on Earth? Is it located near Bellatrix in the Orion constellation. With that being said, how can you know at any given time my mental state? When you held the door open for me, did that change my mental state or was it of no consequence to me?
I said you are in charge of YOUR happiness. If you’re trying to make someone else happy, what is your ultimate intention? It is rare that a person wants to make another person happy with no return — either immediate or future-seeded. How do I know this? What was your response when the receiver of your action did not respond with a simple “thank you?”
This is not to convince you to not please others. Not at all. This is a reality check. Are you after a short-term feeling or an adjusted mental state? What is your real intention, when you stop focusing on your happiness and subjugate it for the happiness of others? Obviously, I’m not talking about your children or other dependents. Hopefully, you get that.
Fitting In Or Fitting Out
There are people in your circle — believe it or not — that don’t want you to be happier than them. That don’t want you to be more successful than them. That don’t want you to make more money than them. Some of you know exactly who those people are, as I mention them. Why hide your happiness? If you are truly in charge of your own happiness, why would you care what others think?
Yes, there’s a societal aspect to happiness. There are haters, back-stabbers, gossipers, and generally grumpy people. Blending in “may” keep their daggers from being pointed at you, but that is giving them power over you. YOU are in charge of your happiness. Being in a positive mental state around your always-agitated-boss isn’t as much of a gamble as you may think. Again, his mind can’t detect your mind. You’re hiding your mental state by default. LOL.
The Wheel of Fortune
Cycles of life happen to all of us. The ups-and-downs. The waves and currents. These things affect your happiness. You may be happy today, but your mental state is altered the next day because of a death in the family, a child birth, a graduation, or a busted water pipe in the basement. How do you get back into your Happy Place if you are in charge of it? Anchor your happiness. Put things in your life, strategically, to pick you up. Maybe, it’s a picture at your desk at work. Maybe, it’s a quote you have on your wall at home that you see as soon as you walk in the door. Maybe, it’s a scheduled cycling class at the gym you go to every other day. Be proactive. Create a structure around you that facilitates your happiness day-to-day.
Being consistent in your happiness is work, but it’s YOUR work. Accepting positive expressions from other people can absolutely put you in a Happy Place. The problem becomes relying on those same people to produce for you over and over again. It’s your mental state, after all, not theirs. Don’t skip out on cycling class because your workout buddy had something else to do.
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