Non-Attachment Is The Key
The World will look much different, if you change your mindset.
I’m speaking philosophically, of course. This falls under mental work and not so much as religious practice. I’ve mentioned to people the concept of detachment and I receive gloomy responses. I must admit though that “detachment” DOES sound scary. When I use the softer — yet equal — phrase of “non-attachment” I get mystified responses instead. People base their whole lives on chasing their desires. They spend their whole lives chasing people, places, and things. I’m not asking you to alter your course. I’m trying to point out that the journey will become sweeter, if you change your thinking. Let’s dig in!
To be clear, I’m aware there are religions that teach non-attachment or non-possession. You can study those and find plenty of material. In this space, we’ll focus on the concepts so you can get your mind wrapped around how you can implement this in your life. Otherwise, you could potentially do word association and mentally blank out while you’re reading this post. As if to say, “Well, I’m <fill in religion> so I’m not sure if this is for me.” Also, moving forward, we’ll only reference the keyword detachment (or detached).
People, Places, and Things
Let’s venture into the realm of unconditional love. This is where I advocate that detachment can lead you, in relation to people, places, and things. See, I’m not interested in whether you detach from your desires for these things. Not at all. Please seek fulfillment and comfort and security. But, please, examine your love of these things. Is it conditional. Do you love her as long as she loves YOU? Do you love your job as long as your employer is paying you a yearly bonus or celebrating you everytime you meet a deadline? Can you detach from your husband and still love him, even though he forgot your anniversary? Of course you can. Now, it will be without conditions. Now, it will be without requirements. Now, it will be unconditional. You would be free to express yourself at your highest levels and not dependent on if that expression is returned in kind. Why? Because you do not OWN or POSSESS or CONTROL these people, places, and things. I hear you though:
Friend: So I have a dog and I love my dog. You’re saying to detach from my dog?
Me: Yes.
Friend: But what if my dog eliminates in the house? I’m detached now, right? Am I not supposed to discipline my dog for doing that in the house? Am I supposed to just let my dog run rampant and without a care?
Me: I think you’re mixing rules and regulations with this concept. Detaching from a person, place, or thing doesn’t entail breaking laws that govern established systems. And it sounds like your dog just had to go potty and you hadn’t let it out.
Results
Another way we can implement this thought process is when it comes to achievement. Is it possible to achieve and still come up short? Of course it is. Can you pursue a goal and be detached from the result of that pursuit? Most, would say no. I say, yes. In the pursuit of your goal (whatever it is), most people assign an emotion or two to the idea of accomplishing the goal set before them.
“I will be so happy when I receive my diploma.”
“My wedding day will be the best day of my entire life. I’m so excited I could scream right now.”
What is a goal that you have no emotions set on? Is that even possible? Do you see the issue? Is the chase or pursuit to obtain the emotion (as fleeting as it will be) or to actually complete a task or journey? The journey can seem arduous and extensive, if the result is all you care about. Can you do “a thing” just because you want to? Does it have to be more complex then that? Truth be told, most are chasing their emotions. What would your journey look like, if you had no emotional stake in the game? Detach from the result and find out. Pour your energy into the pursuit and let the result be what it will be.
Memory
We all have memories that mold and make us. Whether childhood or recent, adulthood memories — these memories stick with us and they dictate our decision making. I am not advocating from detaching from all memories. Let’s not go there. But you have memories that fester and cause pain. You may even wear that memory as a Badge of Honor to say, “This is why I do what I do!” Memories can anchor us in time. Who would you be, if your feelings about that anchor was removed? What would you be able to do, if your feelings about that anchor was removed? That horrible moment that you used to trauma bond with others and make friends — what would happen to those connections?
I know a hiring manager that made a bad hire and regretted it. Every interviewee had to pay the price for that bad hire, moving forward. The hiring manager just wouldn’t let it go. The hiring manager never filled the position again. The hiring manager was eventually let go. There was an EMOTION that was created from that situation of hiring someone and then having to fire them because of poor judgement on the part of the hiring manager. That emotion was paired with that memory and stored in the Amygdala part of his brain’s temporal lobe. If he could have detached that emotion from that memory, would he still have his job? The problem compounded, regarding this situation, because it went from worse to worse. Live, learn, and move on.
Detachment is a process. It’s not something that you can implement overnight. It takes time. Here’s some advice though. It’s NOT a group effort. It’s not something that you can ask close friends to help with. It’s a solo mission, for sure. It’s something you have to go deep within yourself to understand. A friend or family member can’t make that call for you. They may very well be the people you need to detach from. However, your love for them will increase.
